With today’s society promoting movements like “True Loves Wait”, “No Ring No Ting”, “Pinky Promise”, etc. more and more people are making the decision to wait until marriage to have sex, and that is absolutely amazing!
However, I have also noticed lately, we as Christians, have put far too much emphasis on the rule, no sex before marriage, while totally disregarding the reasoning behind the commandment.
A few months ago, I read an article where the author, a Christian, waited to have sex until her wedding night and regretted it. As I read the article, my heart ached for her, because it was clear that what she had been taught about sex, was all rules without reasoning and relationship, and quite honest, falsehood.
Because of this, I started to ask myself, “have we gotten so caught up in the hype and idea of no sex before marriage, that we have begun to idolize it? Have we put those who have chosen this route and their decision on a pedal, high above all else?”
Once I had decided to rededicate my life to Christ and wait to have sex before marriage, one of the first questions people would ask me, if they hadn’t seen me in a while was,” are you still waiting? Or, “I am so proud of you for waiting to have sex before marriage.” Although I was grateful for the encouragement, after a while, it would bother me because it was as if that was the only spiritual thing in my life of importance or the only thing I was focusing on.
Living a life of purity goes far beyond avoiding sexual immorality. Although this is VERY important, a healthy pure life also includes being mindful of the conversations you entertain, Matthew 15:18; the music you listen to, the novels you indulge in, Romans 4:23; and the television shows you expose yourself to, Luke 11:34-36. All these actions weight heavily on your ability to remain pure.
If I’m abstaining from sex until marriage, but I still listen to music with sexually suggestive lyrics, continue to watch TV shows with foul language, entertain lewd conversations, and read novels that totally contradict the lifestyle I’m trying to live, am I honestly living pure?
With this mindset, one is subject to fall into the trap of rules vs relationship. Rules say, “no sex before marriage because I said so!” Relationship says, “strive to lead a pure life and through our relationship, you will be guided to what pleases Me.”
Don’t misunderstand me, I am not bashing “wait to have sex before marriage” programs, I am challenging us to be mindful of living a pure life instead of a rules life!